1.Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Beacuse 7 8 9 (7 ate 9)
2. What do you call a duck that steals?
A Robber Duck.
3.Your momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
4. A blonde is walking
down the street and a car pulled up next to her. The man in the car says to her, ''What do you have in the bag?'' The blonde replies: ''I have toy cars!'' The man thinks for a moment and says,
''If I can guess which colour toy cars you have in the bag, can I have one?'' The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, ''Okay, but I'll make the bet even better! If you can guess
exactly how many toy carsI have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them!"
5.Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don't work!
the porcupine say to the cactus?
"Is that you mommy?"
7.What do prisoners use to call each other?
8.Where do polar bears vote?
The North poll
9.What did the old chimney say to the young chimney ?
You're too young to smoke
10. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts
11.What did the water say to the boat?
Nothing, it just waved
12.Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
13.Which dog would keep the best time?
A watch dog.
14. Why did the tomato turn red?
It saw the salad dressing!
15.What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
It let out a little wine!
16.What do you get from a pampered cow?
17.Where do snowmen keep their money?
In snow banks
18.Where do ants go fo dinner?
To a restaurant
19.What is the biggest ant?
20.What medicine do we give sick ants?
21.Why did tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for pooh!
22.There are two muffins in an oven.
One muffin says to
the other "BOY! it's hot in here!" And the other
muffin exclaims " OH MY GOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
23.A boy asks
his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
"That’s disgusting — don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” dad replies.
After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
24.Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A taxi driver
25.What sits in the corner & travels all over the world?
the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus!
27.Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them
28.What happened when a dog swallowed a firefly?
It barked with de-light.
fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
30.Which bow cannot be tied?
31.Which room can we not enter?
the best day to go to the beach?
Sunday, of course!
the computer go to dance?
To a disc-o.
34.What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew
the birdie go to the hospital?
To get a tweetment.
didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no-body to go with.
through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
38.Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming!
39.Why did the car turn red?
It saw the traffic light changing
40.Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!
41.What starts with P ends with E and has more than million letters in
42.Walk on the living, they don't even
But walk on the dead, they mutter and grumble.
What are they? Leaves
43.Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Then it would be a foot!
44.What comes never in a day, twice in a week and once in an
45. What 2 things can we never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and Dinner
46.What can you serve but never eat?
47.I have all of
your knowledge but could fit in your hands. What am
48. Give me food I will live, give me water I will die. What am I? Fire!
49.Light hides me and darkness
kills me. What am I?
50.A king finds a woman he wants to marry but she refuses. But since he is the king, she has to. The king gives her a deal: he will write
'YES' and 'NO' on two pieces of paper. The papers will be put into a hat and she will choose one. If it says yes she will marry him, if it says no she will not. The only problem is that
the king cheats and puts two pieces of paper that say yes into the hat, but the woman is the only one who sees this.How can the woman avoid marrying the king?
First she has to draw one of the papers and
get rid of it (by eating it, throwing it, etc.). Then they will check the hat and she that the other paper says 'YES', so they know that she drew the paper that said 'NO'. In this case,
she doesn't have to marry the king.
51.A man shaves several times a day, yet he
still has a beard.Who is
He is a barber!
52.I am very easy to get
into,but it is hard to get
out of me.What am I?
53.What time is it when an elephant sits on your
fence? Time to buy a new fence!
54.What has holes on each side,
but can still can hold water? A sponge!
55.During which month do people sleep the least? February, it is the
shortest month after all!
56.What has 10 letters and starts with gas?
57.What starts with T ends with T and is full of T? Teapot
58.A thief enters a shop and
threatens the clerk, forcing him to open the safe. The clerk says, "The code for the safe is different every day, and if you hurt me you'll never get the code". But the thief manages to
guess the code on his own.How did he do it?
The code is ;'different'.The clerk told him!
59.What two letters can spell the word candy?
C and Y. If you take away the spaces, it will
become the word CandY.
60.The shorter I am, the bigger I
am.What am I?
61.A father goes to prison and the mother will have to sell her hotel, but their young
daughter is happy.How can these parents tolerate such ingratitude and what put them
in this situation?
The 3 of them were playing MONOPOLY!
62.Every time you lose something,
you always find it in the very last place you would look.Why is this?
It is the last place
you would look because you already would of found it.
63.How can you make 7 even?
Take away the 'S'!
64.Which building has the most stories?
The library! ( It has the most books.)
65.Wednesday, Tom and Joe
went to a restaurant and ate dinner. When they were done they paid for the food and left. But Tom and Joe didn't pay for the food.Who did?
Their friend Wednesday!
66.What is the best way to keep your hat
from falling off your head? Don't put it on your head
67.How many letters are in the alphabet?
There are 11 letters! T-H-E-
68.You loose your mother in a carnival.Eventually you find her. What is the first thing you'll do?
Stop searching for her
69.A man rides into a town on friday, stays 3 days and comes back on friday morning.How is this possible?
His horse's name is Friday!
70.What kind of button won't unbutton?
71. Why did
the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
So he could have sweet dreams
72.What goes up when the rain comes down?
73.Why did the boy tip-toe past the medicine cupbboard?
He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills!
74.Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
Because they're all in High School!
75.Which is the
longest word in the dictionary?
"Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
76.Which month do soldiers hate the most?
The month of MARCH
77.Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
He wanted to go to high school.
Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly!
79.When do you
stop at green and go at red?
When you're eating a watermelon!
80.Why did the
baby strawberry cry?
Because his parents were in a jam!
81.Which 2 keys can't be used to open any doors?
Monkey and Donkey
82.What do you
call a bear with no socks on?
83.Where do super-heros shop?
At the super-market
84.What kind of
shoes do all spies wear?
85.How do baseball players stay cool?
They sit next to their fans.
86.Why was the math textbook sad?
It had too many problems!
87.What is an
astronaut's favorite place on a keyboard?
The Space bar!
88.Why did the
boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
89.What do you
call a sheep with no head and no legs?
90.Why can't a leopard hide?
Because he's always spotted!
91.What does a
shark like to eat with peanut butter?
92.Why do birds fly south for the winter?
It's easier than walking!
93.How do you
know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have you ever seen a rabbit wear glasses?
94.What goes up but never comes down?
95.What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
96.Why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal!
makes the loudest noise?
98.Why did the
barber win the race?
Because he took a short cut!
99.Why was the
It over swept!
100.Name a city
in which no one lives.
101.Why did the
child study in the airplane?
He wanted higher education!